A few weeks ago in Boston at the AWP meeting I sat down in a
packed lecture hall – hey, there were at least 11,000 attendees at this thing –
and the girl next to me saw my name tag and said, “Are you the author Janet
Fox? I’m Nova Ren Suma.” Well, for me, that was the ultimate fan-girl moment –
in addition to being almost scary coincidence – because I loved Nova’s breathtaking
IMAGINARY GIRLS to pieces. We shared some great conversations over the next two
days, and she shared her excitement at the launch of her newest, 17 & GONE.
As part of her launch Nova invited people to write blog
posts about being “Haunted at 17”, which I think is a hugely fun idea, so I
decided to play. Here’s my post:
I was sure I’d met the love of my life at 17. He was funny,
sweet, tall, good-looking but not creepily so. He played basketball, but not
perfectly. He was a photographer, and for that, he had a real talent. He wrote
me beautiful letters. He sang to me (off-key) over the phone. We were both
madly in love and I’m betting my life would be way, way different now if...but
I was haunted.
Haunted by the future.
 |
| Me at 17, taken by Mike |
Because, at 17, secure and happy with Mike, I decided one
day to drop him like a hot rock. And I dropped him for his at-the-time-but-not-to-continue
best friend.
Stupid, stupid, stupid. But only in hindsight, from way down
life’s road.
I said, “Let’s date other people.”
“Why?” he asked, bewildered.
I shrugged. He cried. I didn’t feel bad. In fact, I was kind
of cruel. Ok, just cruel.
I didn’t tell Mike that I found John sexy, that I wanted to
make out with him, that I was tired of the same old, same old, but that was the
truth.
I dated John for about five minutes, and then someone else
whose name I don’t remember, and about that time I realized that maybe I’d been
an idiot, but it was too late. Mike had started dating someone else, and he
stuck with her through the rest of high school and beyond.
Yeah, I dated other guys, but what I wouldn’t know – for
years and years – was just how special Mike was and how special that
relationship was and how rare it is to find that soul connection with someone.
How rare to feel secure in someone else’s affections. How rare and special he
was as a person.
When I was in college I met Mike again by chance. He was living
in New York as I was, and making his slow way up the ladder to professional
photography. We went out several times and I fell madly in love with him all
over again, and then one day he dropped me like a hot rock.
“Why?” I asked, bewildered.
“Because I don’t love you,” he answered. I cried. He hung up
the phone.
I was 17 all over again, and haunted by my stupid, stupid,
stupid mistake.
Fast forward another three years and I still hadn’t met
anyone else like Mike. I was lonely, dating out of boredom, random and sad. I
was traveling through London and lo and behold ran into Mike on the street. We
had dinner, with some people including the woman who would become his wife. He
was still funny, sweet, amazingly talented, having hit the big time as a pro
photographer, and I couldn’t keep my eyes off of him. My heart ached and ached.
All through dinner I wanted to weep.
I was 17 all over again. Again.
Two years later I met my husband. He’s funny, sweet, tall,
terrifically good-looking, and a talented scientist. We fell madly in love and
have had a happy marriage for many years.
About five years into my marriage I learned that Mike died
in London of a sudden heart attack, leaving a wife and two children.
Check out the fabulous blog posts "Haunted at 17" on Nova's blog: http://distraction99.com/
